Living with Uncertainty

by Co-Director Rick Jackson 

Our world’s extremely stormy conditions—economic upheavals and recession, environmental stress and global warming, social injustice and war—create circumstances that can harden us so that we become increasingly afraid. How can we remain open in the face of so much uncertainty? How can we stay awake to the ever-present opportunities for courage to arise when it is most needed?

As is often the case, a poet’s words may guide us toward truths worth remembering when we feel vulnerable. These lines are from “Nothing’s A Gift” by the Polish Nobel laureate Wislawa Szymborska:
 

Nothing's a gift, it's all on loan.
I'm drowning in debts up to my ears.
I'll have to pay for myself
with my self,
give up my life for my life….

Szymborska proceeds to identify terms for the loan of life, reminding us that “Every tissue in us lies on the debit side. Not a tentacle or tendril is for keeps.” But then she considers the soul:
 

We call the protest against this
the soul.
And it's the only item
not included on the list.

Life itself is indeed granted—yes, loaned—to us for reasons and duration unknown. Does the soul—“the only item not included on the list” of gifts on loan—have a special contribution to make in uncertain times? I think it does.

Recently, our daughter Louisa provided me with a lesson about calm in the face of uncertainty. With freshly minted credentials in hand, Louisa spent the summer fervently searching for a grade school teaching job. She finally landed a spot in an urban district, only to learn that instead of a contract she would begin as a “long-term substitute” until either enrollments justified the position or she got bumped by seniority. Regardless of her tenuous status, she set up her classroom, memorized the names of 23 seven year-olds, and threw her heart into being the best second grade teacher she could be.

It wasn’t until a month into school that Louisa phoned to exclaim—with obvious emotion and relief—I got a contract! She could finally move beyond the daily doubts of whether she would remain with these children she was quickly coming to love. When I asked how she had managed, she simply said, “I couldn’t do anything about being a long-term sub. I just believed I am supposed to be a teacher!” Louisa’s courage in the face of uncertainty was rooted in trusting her calling.

It’s likely that we all began our vocational journeys in clouds of uncertainty. In the midst of all that we could not know or control, our clarity of purpose came from discerning and trusting an inward leading.

So too can our souls continue to provide direction in these disorienting times—if we muster the courage to follow its subtle guidance. Difficulty can give birth to anxiety and panic, and sometimes to anger, resentment and blame.  But beyond all these emotions, our souls can provide guidance, always there undiminished by the temporary cloud cover of worldly conditions.

The central question is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear but how we live within it. It is often in the most difficult times that we discover inner strength and guidance we did not even know we have.

Our souls will inspire us in good times and in bad. Can we face uncertainty without immediately trying to make it go away? Can we stay present to the pain of disappointment and let it soften our hearts? Courage does not come from resisting our fears but from getting to know them well. In uncertain times, it’s what our souls help us to do.